I just made $100 from people paying me not to get naked at the party... I need those P90X dvds
Family of uber douches all wearing ed hardy in a hummer taking up 2 parking spots at starbucks. Please be more cliche
still haven't packed clothes. only wine. gotta love spring break
She just asked me if her C-section scar turned me on.
After the VIP Latina experience at the strip club last night, I am rooting for Mexico in this years World Cup.
Thanks for sticking it out with old horseface last night... I owe you one buddy.
My life has only gotten better since they built a playground behind the bar
she's crying and begging for her chapstick and insisting on walking home...her every thursday ritual
I'd like to bring you 40 virgins and treasure chests of gold to make you feel better
My 16 year old neighbor is throwing a rager cuz her parents are out of town and my brother and I are sitting on the porch listening to A) someone fuck on the trampoline B) a girl bawling about her parents finding out C) someone puking in what we think is the hot tub. And overall we take a shot everytime someone says "bra"
Hey, so I'm not coming into work til Friday. Some guy I've known for about 8 hours just offered me a free vacation to Maui and bought my plane ticket. He's Aussie so I'm 75% sure he won't murder me
I farted in his bed and then in my drunken stupor grabbed hair defanging spray to cover up the stench.
I woke up in a stranger's bed wearing nothing but santa socks.
sober me is the one who makes bad decisions every boyfriend I've ever had I met sober
I'm sorry I missed your birthday brunch. If it makes you feel any better I woke up wearing someone else's toga and a sombrero
Randomize
