My body has become completely dependent on Text Twist. I can't poop without it.
As of tonight I have officially had sex during every Disney movie.
im pretty sure thats the first step to being a pedafile
If we're like this now and women reach their sexual peak in their 30's, I can't even fathom what our futures hold.
You know... If I put the same amount of effort into school as I put into giving women orgasms I would be a Rhodes scholar
I'm the only kid serving jury duty. And I'm the only one who may walk out of here in handcuffs for a warrant. I'm enabling these people to doubt America's youth once again.
8$ liquor pitchers. I'm gonna wear two or three pairs of underwear so when drunk me takes them off there'll still be a pair on.
Like that girl needs to get her shit together. For her vagina's sake.
After a certain blood-alcohol level, the dog is in charge.
No. No. And hell no. If you are driving a Honda Fit you are not allowed to give me a dirty look. No.
Then she cat effected the picture of my dick I sent her the other night. I'm in love.
The best part is every argument that she makes from here on out will be refuted by "Oh hey remember that time you shit yourself wearing someone else's sweatpants at a frat party?"
One day this summer I just wanna get blown under the hot sun all day.
Deal. Roof-top 69 on Saturday, July 20th. I've got it in my calendar.
We should. Taco Bell definitely gives me the shits though.
It's girls night. No shame, just febreeze
I need more than 2 fuckable people this is an outrage
It’s official. I’ve hooked up with all three brothers now
You should go after Dad now
I should! He’s definitely middle age fuckable
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