My doc was like ur only supposed to have 6 sexual partners..thats just one semester at college
He showed me a four inch blond hair that grows out of his side. He calls it his little ray of sunshine. Please come get me.
I asked you if you were ok and you said "dude I'm fine, I'm in the recovery position"
Don't ever tell me I'm a bad friend. I woke up at 7 this morning to drive your mistake home because you wouldn't get up.
i had them turn on teen mom at the bar so i wouldnt be tempted to go home and make babies with the guy next to me
If you ever bitch out on 72oz margarita night again, this friendship is over
you seemed to enjoy falling down hill
wow, never heard the last few months of my life put so succint
I mean it's like...I'm sorry I slept with your boyfriend but is it my fault that he failed to mention you when I was giving him head in the Dave and Busters bathroom?
There is so much wrong with that sentence
Yeah there really shouldn't be a bar at D&B's...shit gets real
Just from watching vine I come to conclusion that all pornstars are dog hoarders.
Just got home. Taking a quick shower. I smell like sex and chorizo. Dont ask.
Dude, my sex life is so sad since I started having feelings.
Sleeping with just one person sucks
just once i'd like to actually BE there for your crazy drunk stories instead of just getting the play-by-play by people who can't remember half of it
I'm not dropping acid and watching game of thrones with you. That just sounds like a disaster waiting to happen.
Omg I just woke up in his bed.. I'm fully clothed and he is naked. I'm so confused.
Don’t worry I was with my ex husband for 10 years and he could never remember the year I was born, when our dating anniversary was or what year I graduated high school. But I still know that mother fuckers SSN lol
Randomize
