its good for cellulite if you don't wear underwear. its true
Dude I got a text from you at 1:30 last night and you didn't use any vowels
Haha, I didn't want to buy any... we're in a recession you know
i asked him to tell me something nice and he said "your vagina is really tight."
its whatevr the fuvk you could ever want is wht it is. i dont wanna read. literacy? overated in my opinion. overated.
I have never pre-planed for a better sober morning than lacing my muffin batch with tylenol.
would he be offended if i told him that "national coming out day" is october 11. thats subtle enough right?
He tried to bang a 300 pounder last night. No joke. I shotgunned a tall boy in a bar cuz the bartender didn't crack the beer. Cant wait till Nashville.
I'm going as either a recovering alcoholic, or as a guy who came to the party straight from work. Too literal?
want me to make you a grilled cheese? I can't guarantee it'll be as good as yours but i'll go down on you afterwards if you want
brb printing out this text and putting it on my bedroom wall
Please, by all means, tell me what can't be helped by two stiff drinks & a blowjob?
how I know last night was a good night: this morning I found a bottle of tapatio, a bag of chicken and a bag of popcorn in my purse.
Apparently I have decided there are no repercussions for my actions
Next time we smoke please remind me to put my bong back in my build a bear box. My mom says if I leave it out one more time she's keeping it for herself.
there is glitter all over my balls
where the fuck are you? she just tazed two people and we're tripping shrooms...successful first night in new apartment!
Randomize
