just woke up in the beanbag bin at walmart
And then you told your sister how horrible of a friend I was because I couldn't get you cheese fries...
Just printed out my Plan B coupon at the library. Saving my own printer ink and paper as well as 10 dollars towards not being knocked up.
I wish i had a shirt that said, "I know what you're thinking and it's not herpes on my face"
are we at that level where i can tell you your girlfriends tits looked really good yet?
Wow, I just woke up in this conference with the woman beside me staring at me. This is what happens when hungover people sit in warm rooms...
I'm done being subtle here. MOVE INTO MY EXTRA BEDROOM SO WE CAN FUCK WHENEVER AND NOT HAVE TO WORRY ABOUT FINDING PEOPLE TO HAVE CASUAL SEX WITH.
you live like 200 miles from me and I have two years of school left
goddamnit stop pointing out all the flaws in my plan
Literally just saw a 7 year old intently rub his penis on the metro. I'm not ready for this
My roommates said duck dynasty was stupid ... toto i don't believe we're in kansas anymore.
Look, when i woke up this morning, I had every intention of being a responsible twenty-five year old, cleaning up, making my budget, and filing my taxes. Its just I got siderailed by pot and downloading classic Disney songs, because fuck adulthood; everyone loves Disney.
We broke into the kitchen, stole cooking aprons, and wore them on the dance floor.
I would say that that is the last time I ever drink a bottle of jack in two hours, but really who am I kidding?
so, i guess i gotta chill on showing up to work hungover... someone anonymously left a bible in my work mailbox (no one else got one)
I’M DRUNK AND EXCITED.
Anyway, that's been my evening- crying and looking up diabetes symptoms. How was your night?
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