I just watched a blind kid buy from one of the vending machines on campus...guess there's nothing like a good surprise?
Congrats to the girl that left her positive preggo test in the bathroom...
does it count as a threesome if she tried to blow the dude who was passed out next to us?
just woke up to a get well card i wrote myself when i was drunk. it was by the advil. i am a cocky bitch.
Blew a line and having a jolly rancher... the day is looking up.
My mom just called me to tell me that i dont have chlamydia. Awkward.
There's holes in the drywall and the beer pong table is a broken door on two barstools. You know they like to party.
What I do when I'm blackout drunk is none of my business.
Dude that chick had a dog in her car. Like when she goes bar hoping so does roofus. He gaurds the car.
we broke the bed, curtan rods, a dresser drawer, and unless I didn't notice it before, we put a hole in the wall. This is why he and I have to fuck in motels.
How'd the date with the redheaded dentist go?
She didn't like my gingervitis joke
He compared my blow job skills to finding gold treasure in a gold chest, so there's that.
You blacked out at 9:30 and insisted on sleeping in the hallway after you chugged an entire pitcher of beer. I guess the Jell-O shots were stronger than we thought...
You told his date she had the tits to be a stripper and the personality to be the pole. Of course he's pissed off.
In case I die. I'm in ares truck with a bartender named Dave from chuys. JUST IN CASE. And let the people know my last words were suck my dick. My like literally.
Randomize
