im dressed up like a present. waiting for someone to unwrap me ;)
this is your brother
Can we hire someone to dj while we have sex?
He's got a wife and three kids but I'm into being that mistake.
So fucked up. Can't tell if I'm starving or about to puke. Playing it safe and eating froot loops. Tasty in, colorful out.
I'm soaked in champagne. I'm eating oatmeal from mcdonalds tonight was glorious
A sandwich with pizza as the bread. I love you.
YES WITH THE SQUARE KIND OF SLICES
ASS. GYMANSTICS. OLYMPICS. NOW!!!
WHAT IS PROPER BONG ETIQUETTE FOR WHEN YOU'RE ALONE IN YOUR BATHTUB AND CRYING?
Dude, you spit in your shirt pocket saying "I'm saving it for later" then dove head first into the pyramid of beer cans we set up.
after sex he fell asleep with his water bottle in one hand and his dick in the other at 6pm. I'm a winner.
I just kept hitting the drum to get thru the crowd to the bar. Surprisingly it worked
My apologies. I'll try not to let my dick interfere with official work duties in the future.
Why can't you just be normal and get dick pics from your exes like everyone else?
WTF. I was 99% sure I went straight home last night. I just woke up hugging a chair, and my tux pocket has a flask filled with what I think is red bull and gatorade. This has to be your doing.
If sleeping with your boss doesnt scream job security i dont know what does.
Randomize
