The only thing I've had to eat today was the half eaten sausage biscuit I found on my chest when I woke up this morning.
He is going overseas for 8 months, not only was that blowjob a going away present, but i was supporting the troops
It was worth having to clean the cum stains out of the carpet.
I got an MIP via FUCKING HELICOPTER. Tuscaloosa police either have nothing to do or too many resources.
The "puke-towel" started to grow something...
I also referred to her clitorous as her "vagina dot" last night...probably going to be dumped soon.
I thought your voice was coming from the walls. I've never been so relieved to find you naked in a closet
whoever brushed my teeth and whitened them while i was passed out, thanks.
I put my hydrocodone prescription in my cereal box its like real lucky charms
Remember that time I sent you a 5lb bag of gummie bears?
Like it was yesterday.
Apparently I had it on auto deliver. So whoever is at your apt is gonna gen an interesting delivery...
I'm stoned as hell watching the new Star Trek movie. My life is 110% better than it was an hour ago.
Her roommate was talking on her cell when I came out of the bedroom and I definitely heard her describe how shitty and terrified I looked. Awesome.
Every time you talk about your facial hair I immedately get horny
That time of your life is like a blur to me. There was churches, car fucking, and conservatives
You’re going to be a doctor, and I’m going to be a trophy wife. We both have goals
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