DUUUDE!! just found out that the fbi has a kids page. guess who's got a new jumior officer printout badge?
I puked in the urinal of a bar tonight. Not embarrassed cause I got away with it, legitimately upset you weren't there to make fun of me.
I basically have a picture with a half naked foreign exchange student. He kept screaming rolltide and i felt like a traitor
They broke our car window and then wrote "great night" on the next
My life is sponsored by tidy cat kitty litter, Bacardi rum, and plan b.
I just got high off one hit and the. Spent 20 minutes inspecting the gasket of our refridgerator and researching ways to replace it
If i'm forever fucked up in this state of mind then I'm going to kill him for this
I just remembered I did the whole byebyebye dance at the bar
Just wiped the ashes off my forehead before he came over to have sex. Definitely going to hell.
Honestly I am too high to watch videos of you jerking off right now
We fucked to Bonnie Tyler in my car. He's the one.
90% sure the total babe I have been talking to all night has a kid. Ugh, so sad right now.
Im so high
He was walking around and kept offering the neighbors flamingo lawn ornaments shots of vodka.
Why are there 17 orders of shrimp lo mein in the bathtub?
Just saw 4 of my students at Denny's at 4am on a Tuesday. We all pretended not to see each other, as we are all clearly tipsy and/or stoned. Class is in less than 4 hours. Either i'm getting too old for this shit or they're starting on the road to crazy-town much earlier these days.
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