I forgot how few teeth there are in this state...
I just spiked the applesauce. Try to tell me again your party is better.
There is a clear recurring theme of me having sex in restrooms that really needs to stops
In case this wasn't clear when i said being his wingman was "hopeless", his date walked out on him when he poured a beer on his head trying to shotgun it
Just found a peacock feather in my car. Should I be the least bit concerned about this?
You crawled everywhere and rolled in ice cream. No more vodka for a month.
The best part about this city is obvious. Someone saw me crouching by a bar pissing in my leftover Panera bread bowl and they just winked.
Was in the middle of a keg stand, the frat guys dropped me, and I broke my nose. My mom didn't enjoy that call from the hospital.
He took off his priest costume and proceeded to dryhump the teletubby.
but it was less of a make out and more of a goodnight kiss as a "thanks for giving our drunk asses a ride home and sorry we called your bar the worst bar in LA"
no it was not a "magical experience". After we dropped, he just sat there staring at my laptop going "apple makes beautiful things".
I bought a vibrating wall dildo with my tax return. You?
Don't come back. They don't have pants.
Oh god.
God has nothing to do with this.
Can you face time me. I need to know if this pill is xanex or ecstasy
You spent the entire night trying to catch pigeons and hugged a homeless guy and then gave him a pregnancy test.
Randomize
