I don't have the money to get a cast so we made one from stuff at the craft store.
I looked at the bar tab this morning. The bartender added a $25 'customer asshole fee'. I have no grounds to dispute it.
he squeezed my boobs like he didn't know what else to do with them, then turned down head...
told you he was gay.
there may or may not be knives in your bed. I would check
im not even sure if i fucked her just woke up in her closet.
If the blood belongs to whoever dumped glitter all over my couch than the motherfucker got what was coming to them. If not, I hope they're ok.
isnt this the same guy you hooked up with on his birthday and he then asked, "you were at me birthday?" the next time you were together?
You've got until 8 and then I'm kicking down your door and pouring a beer down your ass via funnel
Why the fuck is there a goat in the kitchen
This hangover is too legit right now. I just sneezed and almost puked
I told you that you couldn’t eat fifty tacos, you slapped me in the face, ate seventeen tacos, and fell asleep on my floor
Fuck. I did it again. I plugged in my toaster and walked away thinking it needed to preheat. I am dumb.
Is it wrong to want to have sex with one guy who's good in bed before going out on a date with a guy I actually like?
I was asked to be part of a mmf threesome. I think I'd rather stay home, watching Orange is the New Black and cuddle with my cat though
I need a rain check on breakfast. A frat boy said it was his dream to sleep with a MILF, I made his dream come true and he made me cum
There is no way I’m wasting 21 year old morning wood
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