his ringtone is the jonas brothers. get me the fuck out of here NOW.
too bad you can't see the clap by looking at her face.
she is a standing ovation.
I just figured I'd let u know that you bought a yacht on ebay last night
Jus posted an album so big that it takes my manhood into question
Yeah like at least with a penis what you see is what you get with a vagina there can always be a surprise inside
We ended up sleeping in the emergency room for safety (you know, well lit, cameras..) and then an ambulance drove us to the train station around 4am. great last night in australia.
It was one of those "wake up holding a random metal flower" kind of nights.
All I remember is waking up with 3 penises pointed at my face. I also remember enjoying that a lot. And then I threw up in their shower.
Siri just called me GayBoy in front of my family. I will destroy you.
I just gave myself a sponge bath with your sock. I hope you don't mind.
I never forget a pussy, even blackout me gives me that memory.
I've just been thinking about sangria a lot lately, like an adult.
I ACCIDENTALLY SUPER LIKED HIM. I JUST DELETED TINDER FROM MY PHONE.
I was trying to decide if i was still high whenever i realized i was pressing the buttons on the microwave cause i liked the sound.
Somehow, walking in on your drunk mom in a diaper was the least traumatic thing I saw last night
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