you used progresso chicken soup as a mixer last night
guy just got out of the car at the drive in and told his girlfriend "fuck you and your taco" and walked off
You know it was a challenge blowing out the candles. It was hard to think of a wish, while drunk, with a concussion.
You should make it a point to use vocabulary that is competition appropriate around him, like "champion" and "training" and "victory sex"
Just used the leftover candycorn for candycorn vodka. Our house is trying to continue the Halloween spirit for as long as possible.
Idk. Last year there was an ice luge, glow in the dark jungle juice, and lots of naked people. I feel like I'll get pregnant just thinking about going to that party.
So we reenacted men's olympic skeet shooting using roman candles and flattened beer cans. That's all
Unfortunately, the Bilbo Baggins adventure side of me that likes to go on adventures appears to be losing to the side of me that likes to smoke weed in the bathtub and watch Workaholics.
You strapped the bucket of KFC into the carseat and refused to let me drive over 20 miles per hour the whole ride home. That high.
I forgot I did whipits. Probably because my brain cells were killed from the whipits
Giving you good advice and being naked are not mutually exclusive.
Went home w the NY Islander in a NY Rangers jersey, needless to say he was pissed
Hey! Happy Birthday! Could you do me a favor and bring my underwear to the bar?
Also this morning I remembered seeing the stripper he threw up on later in the night. She was clothed though.
you need to drop off my dinner before you go see him because i'm not gonna wait until you're finished fucking him to get my damn chinese food
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