You closed the sidewalk off to pedestrians last night. With a glitter covered safety cone
I don't believe these are real court rooms. They look absolutely nothing like law and order.
I gained confidence after I found out she was a lesbian. At least that way I could flirt with her and convince her to buy me taco bell after the bar
I don't see what kind of idea someone could get from an envelope covered in jesus stickers and a note from a person and their dog. I'd say crazy person alert before flirting.
Penises. Everywhere.
You're. Welcome.
There are very few times i will succumb to laying naked on my bathroom floor. But lastnight is a resonable enough cause.
Last time i carry you out of a forest
Let me refresh your memory. New Year's Eve in the back of my car you grabbed my hand and said feel my tumor on my butthole and at that moment I swear we were infinite
It was technically 11... But I go by McDonald's time, if they aren't servin breakfast, it's the afternoon. Therefore I can drink
Also, we found a geriatric Snoop Lion.
As a general rule of thumb, I don't call until the claw marks have healed.
An "unreasonable amount of ejaculate" isn't a reason to be angry at me.
I have only made 3 good decisions in my life and getting really stoned reenacting the Lion King with my cat in a lion mane hat is 2 of them.
Day drunk. He was sitting in the back seat, opened the door, leaned out, and peed right there in the dutch bros drive through. No one even noticed haha
Something is wrong here. The birds are chirping and I'm not fucking you, I'm not getting head and I don't smell bacon. Why am I up this early then?
Randomize
