apparently they started giving me water shots and i couldnt tell the difference
Had to use Google translator to be able to tell the cleaning lady not to throw away the condoms we have strategically placed throughout the house.
He just pushed one of his testicles up into his stomach and called himself lance armstrong. I can't make this shit up.
i remember you telling me to take a shower, brush my teeth, go get back in bed w her, and "just do what i was born to do." and as soon as i stopped yacking i did just that. you saved my birthday.
Oh shut up man. Once the police get involved its every man for themself.
I used to be terrified of what was under your bed until I passed out there last night. Now it just feels like home.
When were you at my house?
Gave him an awesome blow job on his living room couch last night, so at least he'll have something nice to think about next time he's watching the Tigers lose.
Somehow ended up home, probably had something to do with the makeshift ladder from my second story window. Now headed to church, still drunk, and still fighting back the vomit of a thousand different alcohols. Successful night.
You understand the drunkenness of my drunkenness
I just went into a strangers house to have a spoonful of sugar to cure my hiccups, wtf is wrong with me
View of Vancouver Bay is obscured though the greasy hand prints from fucking against the window. Tip maid well.
He made a deal with his real estate agent called fucking in 50 properties for sale
But what if there are 6 people and they end up just pairing the off into 3 couples. Is it still an orgy?
Oh and people at work think i got knocked up so my gay roomie is claiming it as his lol
I got a free corona t-shirt and all I had to do was drink a beer. This needs to be a more widely accepted form of currency.
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