The next morning she woke up and asked who I was and where she was.
It was like if Side-show Bob had a vagina for a mouth
I want to fuck you on the side of the bed tonight.
babe, don't say it like that!
I'm sorry, I want to penetrate you on the edge of our sleeping quarters this evening.
his mom walked in, looked at me, sighed n nsaid 'when are u gonna learn' n walked out
I'm at breakfast at my kid's school and I have noted at least 3 other parents with last night's red wine mouth and bleary eyes. I don't know why I always get so paranoid.
I'll just dance on top of the ping pong table, and if it's stable enough for that, then it's stable enough for sex
All I want to do is shower, but there is a keg in there.
Came home plastered at 8am. Roommate had hot glued all the ashtrays and various items to their surfaces. Couldn't handle it. Went back to the bar.
You know what else? He didn't even get to see my butt. And my butt is really cute. Car sex is awful.
We are the best cocktail. We look appealing, taste amazing, and ruin lives.
My idiot ex texted me on Valentine's day to tell me I was right, he did need a therapist.
Thanks. I just smoked a bowl topless so I'm in heaven right now.
just bought safety googles to wear so he can cum on my face and not in my eye. SAFETY FIRST!
I wasn’t trying, but work got a lot easier and more fun once he starred flirting with me and looking at my ass
Nothing like having a family watch you dry heave at the end of the dock
Randomize