this girl looks like the female version of brooke hogan
I just saw my grandmother naked. again. this needs to stop now.
Mom is telling us about the time she drank her own breast milk. Help.
She just said she wanted to get freaky and left the room. I'm almost certain I just heard the microwave.
I'm puking to John Mayor, save me. Or at least change it to somethong beyyt
he screamed PILLOW FIGHT and hit branden in the head with a pillow that had a fifth of vodka in it. then he asked why he wasnt laughing
I was running around taking people's drinks at the bar and just dumping it into my Gatorade bottle screaming roofies.
Well call me tomorrow, it's a great story that may lead to me being fired and/or possibly being buried in a shallow grave somewhere out in wine country.
Haha! I've never met his girlfriend, so my main focus will be not saying,"you're the only person in this room that doesn't know what my vagina feels like."
If you don't want me in your apartment then lock your door better
her spring break bucket list included "break into The Swamp, blow him where Tebow has Tebowed"
Lets play a game called: how out of it are you today? Let me know if you can beat driving on the wrong side of the road twice and walking up two extra flights of stairs just because you weren't paying attention to what floor you are on....
she's a nursing student, i didn't think vomit would freak her out so much
you puked ON HER
What is it in my brain that makes me look at a penis and think "that belongs in my mouth"?
So today was the first day i've been sober since Wednesday according to my roommate!
Randomize
