do you ever just like the smell of your farts?
I am about to be in my happy place. (the shower with a 6 pack)
My new excuse for sleeping with him was in celebration of his cat's birthday.
He's very warm and cuddly, that's my favorite thing about him. Besides his Porche. And his hot brother.
Just saw a woman with a Pomeranian in her bra. Way to step up your game Seattle.
I didn't realize I was holding it, until I was like, "whose baby is this?"
I just want to do a slip-and-slide into a giant pool of jello shots right now.
His roommate left already and took the beer pong table so we had to take off his bedroom door. Maybe res life won't notice.
Drink for every country you've never heard of.
Fuuuuuuuuuck
We told you to go get more fire wood and you came running back with a log that was on fire, not drunk at all.
You made a course evaluation for your vagina? Wow. You really are a professor now.
I want to sit on top of her nipple mountains and reenact the Ricola commercial.
He is a sex God. It lasted more than an hour, and I don't remember how many times I came. I lost count at 57.
Hell no. Last time I used a Slip N Slide I ended up with bruised ribs, a broken fence and the hatred of a half naked girl with a sprained wrist.
I got so pissed i stormed off and threw his burrito on his windshield
Randomize