I think we should boobie trap our beer this time using duct tape, rubber bands, seran wrap, and urine. Trust me I have a plan and it will work.
pray for me tomorrow cause I have a midterm that I've mostly studied for by watching Bill Nye episodes on the subject...
I just foul balled at work. I had taken off my coat too… had to go to the sink wash my hands then go back to the stall and pick up my coat. I hope the guy shitting in the stall next to me didn’t figure out what happened.
FYI, when you wake up, please note that I puked in your shoes because I sstubbed my tooee, not becus I was drunk.
This is to remind you the pizza is in the dishwasher birthday boy eat it before it goes on
I mean, I'm twenty four years old and I've never paid for my own drink. You can't say that any of your ex girlfriends boobs are THAT great.
by 11 am we'd already been drunk twice. how much lower can you go?
i just keep picturing us drunk surrounded by kittens.
I mean, unless you wanna just let me lie there while you fuck me and pour water into my mouth
Of course it may just be the context. A dish of dog food would look lovely next to your breasts.
Did I seriously answer the door for a home delivery of weed from you and your boss while wearing last night's 80s rockstar face paint?
I have 3 bottles of vodka in my room telling me not to go to work tomorrow.
I FEEL LIKE HILARY MUST FEEL WHEN TRUMP MANSPLAINS AT HER
I went to a party last night....I stole all of their ornaments and the toaster oven.
I'm eating chicken wings naked and hungover at 10am... Happy bday to me
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