I'm a terrible person. There are two guys speaking sign language on the metro platform and at first I thought they were drunk and doing a silly dance.
I'm watching Intervention to get pumped up for tonight
i checked my sent messages this morning and i had apparently tried to text the bar, saying "idk what i drank, do you?"
just put an icicle in the bong. best/worst idea ever. i think i can taste global warming right now.
Just caught my dad doing coke in my bathroom again. Guess whose getting a new car for christmasss.
I think I'm just going to up-end a bottle of wine and look through pictures of what my life used to be.
I don't care if he was in that porno. He looked like he knew what he was doing.
There are so many things that would come back to haunt me if I ran for President someday.
like that video of you mad stoned vomiting in the bdubs parking lot after going to a pizza buffet screaming how you needed to make room for froyo
Wat
I could go for watching some naked price is right. Looks like a good time to me.
The last time I went to Vegas and the sun started to rise, my copilot went home with her nipples pierced.
I'm in public and Taylor Swift is playing. It is taking all my effort to not screech like a goat.
Remember Christopher who always sends me pictures of his penis? Look to your right, boy in the blue.
Awk moment when I forgot to tell my hookup about visitor parking so he got towed
I think putting on real pants was half my issue with today
There's a bull to ride and dancing on the bar is encouraged. This is my heaven. And this is why god made leopard tube tops.
Randomize
