I think I'm going to go home and read The Bible.
Remind me to tell you the Scottish bar story tomorrow
Remind me to tell you it was a shitty story when you're done telling it tomorrow
How was dinner with ur grandparents?
I was really blazed and scared they'd catch me, so when they asked about my day I was concentrating really hard on not saying smoking that instead I honestly said "Well, I had sex on your pool table, Nana."
corn on the cob and anal lube are not substitutes for the real thing
ohhh no, absolutely not. i am waaayyy too superstitious to have sex with the self-proclaimed "baby-maker" on father's day...
I didn't take her seriously until she snorted that ramen noodle flavor packet...
You have to figure out where to put this turtle dude
Ok cuz s'mores night just turned into pina colada after noon and it will be mas fun
Sometimes I think about the fact that I lost my virginity while watching anime and I wonder what that says about me
When you're not at your house I assumed you're somewhere having sex
I should not be allowed to be in possession of a fifth and a phone at the same time.
I feel like I was playing penis roulette last night nd I landed on the wrong one.
Something about finishing sexting a guy and him going "well. I have to get ready for Passover now" really makes me rethink my life choices
I'M TRYING. TO WATCH. PORN. PLS HAVE UR IMPORTANT DISCUSSIONS ELSEWHERE FUCKERS
When creating your wedding guest list do you put the girl you & your fiance had a threesome with under your friends or his friends?
Randomize
