Ever have the mailman look at you like youre a chronic masterbator. I have.
I saw Winona at my church today. She has boobs, now.
Miracles do happen.
Apparently in gay bars the restroom signs are just a formality. Its a free for all in there
just went to my meeting with last nights make up still on, not wearing a bra, and the 14 shot tallies still on my wrist.. My advisor's questions should be answered as to why I'm not in my major yet.
He started telling people I was Stephen Hawking's son. When that didnt fly he switched to Tony Romo's cousin
Remembering I sold my brand new Blackberry to a stranger for a few pints = Worst night of my life. Now to work out what I did with my shoes.
Germany has fetish clubs for everything. We are going to Germany. Germany is our friend.
Can you please come and collect your boss off of my kitchen floor.
Shit my boyfriend's roommate thinks thinks: I love getting woken up to the sound of my roommate getting a blowjob
Wow! It's so great to hear from you! We all thought you perished in Winepocalypse 2012, man.
Like if it it's practical for your sexual health I'm allergic to it AKA REGULAR CONDOMS
I'm sorry about all of the innappropriate shoe throwing
He was singing R-E-S-P-E-C-T to a stripper between motorboats while our HR manager cheered him on.
Things that happen while I poop: I start dating someone
The end of the friendship was inevitable. I hooked up with her cousin and forgot to mention it to her
Randomize
