You poured sparks in your panties and NOW you're wondering why you have a UTI?
he wanted to have sex on the little rocking chair but i was too high to figure out how to do that so we did it on the floor.
His was the first dick to ever be in my mouth... Of course I'm going to the wedding.
Just an fyi, teatherball while wasted might be the hardest sport ever.
Oh god. There is a bite mark in the bar of soap. Please tell me I was not that wasted.
Funny how often beer equates to second degree burns on some portion of my body.
I had a dream that our used condom started talking to me. I told me that I did an amazing job, and told me that it saved me. From aids.
Apparently after taking body shots off of a guy i haven't seen since 1st grade, i ate a stick of butter, showed everyone my tampon string, and fell off the boat. my uggs belong to the sea now
Lmao the neighbor heard yall last night She wanted me to tell you way to finish strong
If sitting in the car passing a flask back and forth because the bar we go to is having some power issues on Christmas eve isn't Christmas spirit, then I don't know is.
think he just told me if I need to shit I should go outside.
Two dicks, one me.
Yoga's definitely paying off.
I'm gonna write a song for the kids called "you're systematically killing your mother". In it I will explain that my recent hypertension and increase in smoking is due to them being dicks
i guess i fuck people who own bucket hats so i can't talk shit
Do u believe in the possibility of big foot?
You high??
Randomize
