first time Ive ever had to stop sex to go pass out in the kitchen floor...
Hello rock bottom. My name is Jared. Nice to meet you.
which gay bar do you need a ride home from?
Christmas on farmville was waaaaay better than my actual Christmas.
Confirmed. Vegetarians give terrible head.
There's a fried egg and an empty bottle of reddiwhip in the parking lot. Did you have fun last night?
That bitch makes my crazy look like a walk in the park with cotton candy
He asked me to hum the Ghost Busters theme song as I was going down on him
More importantly this is sex weather and i am striking out
I started singing I believe I can fly in the shower and it was like the first stage of insanity
I have just found the cubicle of sustenance. And I will rejoice at all the families that have not found this magic. This vodka cubicle of magic.
For what it's worth, I didn't think that hitting you with a crowbar as hard as I did would break your arm like that. You should drink more milk.
But idk if I cried about life then banged him or banged him and then cried. Chicken or the egg?
the worst fight me and my gf ever had was over Guy fieri
Let it be known that on this day, the 26th of October, in the year 2016, I successfully put both of his balls in my mouth at once.
Why didn't we pregame for this?
Because it's breakfast!?!
Randomize
