my boyfriend just named your boyfriend's penis.
Asian chick on skype stripping for me. Hold on give few min
bruce springsteen sings some of the most romantic songs i've ever heard.
the hells wrong with u
Its like I was sleeping with a kid. His gum fell into my hair while sleeping and he just wanted to cuddle.
was his dick as big as our hopes and dreams?
This american gymnastics guy.... He just messed up. I feel so bad. I just wanna hug him until he stops crying. Not even in a sexual way. I just wanna hug him.
I've been buying my puppy dildos for chew toys. I can't wait till a girl comes over and my dog is gnawing on a giant black cock
my hand froze to the top of can of beer cuz i fell asleep outside. i decided to find a way to open the bottom of the can before addressing my severe frostbite. PRIORITIES!
Hearing them have a conversation is like listening to water buffalo have sex. Awkward and scarring.
I need to pay that drinking in public ticket, but I also really want to get a spray tan next week... so priorities.
I spent most of the stoned conversation with my dad proving to him that the Newfoundland is an actual dog and NOT a Snuffaluffagus-esque figment of my stoned imagination, while laughing over the fact there is actually a place caller Dildo, Canada. Have YOU taken time to be a good dad today?
The NSA quit spying on phones. I'm sending you SO MANY dick pics.
I have got to move on from this "sleeping with every drug dealer I meet" phase.
One of the Mormon boys that comes to the door is really sexy and I always think 'I would absolutely destroy your faith'
she said a prayer for the pipe you broke. she did the sign of the cross and everything
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