we might have left him a semi topless video on his wall. godd i just hope they suspend my accont so i stop doing thses things.....
So this text is costing me two dollars because I'm out of the country, but I just wanted to let you know it went well with the stripper last night
He was actually able to throw up in the bucket from the top bunk. im impressed.
I just peed in the Schreyer honors college shrubbery. Thanks honors students, you're finally good for something
I wanted to take a shower but I forgot we made applesauce in it last night.
First Thanksgiving as a grown up: My step dad had to take my brother (who still smells like booze) and I both to our cars this morning, apparently we were at the same bars (same stamps), & I think I broke my elbow. Im thankful to be alive & not incarcerated.
This bowl of cereal would be the size of a giant's bowl-piece. It's. that. big.
How much did you smoke??
I love you. Happy valentines. Satin Patricks dayyyyyyyyyy. Alreadythrew up. Geeeeerait.
A black suburban rolled up and a scary suited guy got out the passenger side and opened the door for her as she got in. Then drive off. Who did I just fuck?
If there was a bread and water delivery truck id make sweet hungover love with it.
Drunkenly making hamburger helper. I just whispered "I can't wait to have you in my mouth."
Ugh why can't people just be grateful for my penis
went out last night. woke up with a lisp.
OH MY GOD REMEMBER ALL THAT I LOVE NEW YORK I DVRED BECAUSE I JUST DID
My boobs weigh the same amount as 25 pancakes
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