Fun fact of the day the average american will consume 13248 beers in their lifetime.
So for us it's double that?
Precisely.
I'm driving to work with an ice pack on my vagina. how was your weekend?
he broke up with me while standing outside, half naked, waiting to fuck him. i feel like a leper right about now.
I couldn't walk, so he carried me all the way home; and then I told him that I wasn't drunk enough to fuck him. Poor kid.
And on top of all this... he just told me to "chill my nips."
Oh trust me, i am. It's like magic, but instead of rabbits and doves its orgasms- He just keeps pulling them out of nowhere.
i want to go make food but i'll have to face my mom after telling her that the random i'm sleeping with, whose name i don't know, told me I was "too slutty to be his girlfriend" when i was drunk last night
I just imagined you going baby-crazy and trying to shove him up into your uterus. Yes, I'm aware he's 7 years old.
I just found out that order of 30 Beefy 5-Layers last weekend has achieved legendary status among the Taco Bell employees. Is there a Stoner Achievement for that?
That basically sounds like the worst party of my life, and I'm including my brother's World of Warcraft themed birthday party.
When Pony by ginuwine plays I pretty much just grind on the nearest penis.
Haha he puts me in a mood mix of annoyed and... "just get in my pants"
How do you tell a vegan you want him to stuff you like a turkey?
Got a $290 noise violation last night for shouting "THE KING OF THE NORTH" til 2 am
Going to jail. Warrant. Be home late. For the love of god turn your ringer on.
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