My mom just drunkenly told me i was conceived in the back of a car, at a Bon Jovi concert.
May i just say it is extremely difficult to pee in a cape
i just traded a sweatshirt for margaritas... why did they ever stop using the barter system??!!
i dont care about people's attitudes as long as they give me head
I just witnessed Grandma making her infamous daiquiris. Extraordinary.
If a "boob" guy and an "ass" guy are discussing which you are better qualified for....just let them
I think that's the first time I've heard someone say "this is the safest way of doing things" while holding half a gallon of jagermeister
I'm not as easy in Europe as I am in the US
Only because you can wipe your slut slate clean & start anew. It's a little known benefit of our currency exchange.
I'm pretty sure they kept making references about gangbanging me but I was too stoned to catch on, I just sat there and stared at his kitten.
By the way I got my period today. No NHL babies for me.
I already left my house once this summer. Maybe we could do something in October.
I'm too over dressed and drunk for this emergency vets office
At least you didn't wake up next to your professor who then proceeded to cancel class via phone while still inside of me.
Omg I got up from his bed and almost did a header into the wall because I came so many times I forgot how to walk.
Here's the "to do" list i just found on my phone: buy stripper pole, make sex playlist, buy febreeze
Randomize
