she needs to go suck a dildo, because she isn't worth a dick
Brandon just fucked that chick! I tried to warn him but T9 said she had "puppy roses" instead of "pussy sores"
Yeah the sex got weird after I said "who's your daddy?" and she actually moaned her dads name.
Almost accidentally stole a baby... explain later
What are the odds of finding the one hot Australian dude with erecile dysfunction?
Nothing like hearing a USA chant while getting head. God bless America.
I feel like I can hear facebook. What did we smoke?
I hope my tampon is in his bed. That'll teach him. Happy new years btw
Fell asleep in the library, woke up because I almost let out a sleep fart. That was close.
I sent my roommate a text from MY phone that said, "I don't know where my phone is." Must've been a good night.
For whatever reason, whenever she's drunk off Crown, all she wants to do is jerk me off with her feet.
What's an appropriate engagement gift for the girl that's marrying your brother's Tuesday night hookup? Cause all I can think of is vodka and Kleenex.
So I just watched a seagul attack my boss and steal his food in the parking lot. Today might not be a bad day lmfao.
WHY THE FUCK DOES RICKY'S BROTHER GET AN ENTIRE POT OF PASTA FOR BEING SHIRTLESS AND ALL I GET IS ARRESTED?!
Jack said he hasn't jerked off in like two weeks and he's like a smoldering volcano who wants to bury you like Pompeii with his man gravy
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