So the waitress at the Chinese Buffet totally just said "Adios" to a Hispanic couple. There's something you don't see every day.
She said she had a thing for dinosaurs. Come get me now
and then you went into taco bell without pants...and surprisingly you weren't the only one there without pants
Remember when I was so high that I thought my appendix burst? All I had to do was fart man, just fart.
all of his pictures were taken on a library computer, how did you even consider fucking him?
Trust me. My penis has made more than enough decisions this weekend.
I don't even want to think about the kind of person who would shit in the street before 10pm on a Sunday.
Pretty sure they aren't letting me back to karaoke night after I screamed "fuck every one of you tasteless hillbillies!!" because I felt they didn't clap loud enough for Jen.
It feels like I was drinking gasoline last night.
I mean it could have been worse, I could have been sober.
Hey, you know that marble art statue thing in your bedroom? Hypothetically what would happen if a penis got stuck in it?
I was the oldest, shortest, and soberest at the New Years party last night. My life sucks
Should I give the penis ring toss game to good will or garbage
I opened the bathroom door and the starting point gaurd was eating out my art history professor
sometimes i forget what nice tits i have and then i spend a month brushing my teeth naked in the front of the bathroom mirror, and i remember.
Randomize
