I woke up laying in alphagetti with the message "I'd go get checked asap" written out in the letters.
There's an australian, my relationship has no hope.
Should I mail that cop his nightstick or just throw it away?
We don't have a ruler. Come downstairs and lay in the snow with a boner so we can see how much snow we've gotten. Put your 8 inches to a less shameful use.
He took me to the bathroom in the gay bar to "just cuddle." Fool me once, shame on you. Fool me twice...well...
Is it sad that I just used my electrical knowledge to not only fix but improve my vibrator?
2 out of 3 people here lost their shoes. America.
It was fun until the stripper told me it was her first day and started crying.
Listen to my proposal.... I feed you crackers while I fuck you ever so gently.
I feel as though sleeping all day due to the effects of prescription painkillers paid for by union insurance made this the most American day ever for me
My roommate told me he found me naked in the shower puking and when he asked why I was naked I said "you can't wear clothes in a shower"
At least you didn't sleep with Ashley's uncle.
I probably shouldn't be taking relationship advice from my side piece...
On a scale of one to ten how bad is it that the first cardio I've done in months is jogging to the bars?
I'll just go with dedication.
LOOK AT HOW SMOOTH THIS BITCH IS
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