I've come to the conclusion that as a grad student I would much rather prefer to get laid then get drunk
I think you know full well that a few years ago my stance was the polar opposite
Question: Is it too early to claim April Fools on the text "can we do some lines before the concert" that I accidentally sent Mom?
I bet you think you're really funny for switching my line of coke with a line of protein powder.
Just write off about 10000+ brain cells and 6 months of your lifespan.
Sounds like a normal friday night
Everyone is sleeping and i'm sittin here in my iron man mask, watchin chelsea lately and tryin to figure out how to smoke through it.
am i so blindsided by his great personality that i'm hooking up with an ugly guy?
i thought you knew
You're just mad that I don't wanna have dugout sex with you
New definition for "rock bottom": Waking up in a puddle of your own puke, missing your fake tooth. Then having to dig through said puddle of puke for aforementioned fake tooth. Think it's time I quit partying so hard.
Is this your way of breaking up with me as my wingman?
Wtf just happened. Thought you were in my bed since 3am, turned out I was sharing it w/a drunk girl from the 6th floor lounge...
What's great about college is that i can eat chocolate cereal for every meal and call it a money saving technique.
Holy shit he's circumcised. His parents must have really loved him.
Of the two of us, which one has licked a drag queen's tit in the past 5 days?
I was so fucked up last night that I peed on his FATHER'S BED and fell asleep there. and yes. his father was asleep in the bed
In my top drawer right now, there are see's chocolates, condoms, weed, and my vibrator. One way or another, this is going to be a good night
One less thong to worry about.
One less *thing! But probably that too.
Randomize
