I tried to gradually lead her into my room but she wouldn't stop crying and quoting memoirs of a geisha
i don't plan on having that self control this summer
I just hope this isn't happening Final Destination style
Travis Barker would totally be Devon Sawa in this scenario
i think i just heard my dad finish in the other room...
separated laundry into 'got laid' and 'didn't get laid' piles.
everyone knows he gets back in a week and after that i'm not sleeping around anymore. it's like i have a expiration date.
I just made my bed perfectly before realizing that I'll be too drunk to appreciate it tonight
I've never seen anyone write a check for a bar tab before
Youre at medical school. Im eating raw cookie dough, pickles, and orange juice. Naked. On a monday afternoon. I clearly make better life choices than you.
They high fived over us while we gave them synchronized blowjobs. In the same bed. Under the same blanket.
I hit on her. So did Sarah. Neither of us got anywhere. I swear she's asexual. Like Switzerland.
Fun fact. I am at the police dept. getting served a warrant for unpaid ordinance... and the officer was a one night stand from like 10 years ago.
So our annual Dick Trip has been tentatively scheduled for the week of July 1 - 5. This years theme is "Fucking for Freedom".
Why did you have to tell me he has a hammer cock? Now I can’t stop staring at his pants.
There is sex in the air. Be careful where you walk.
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