guy from last night has fluorescent crocs in his closet. judging by the rest of his clothes he doesn't wear them in an ironic way
lesson #67 learned in college: a three day old margarita, is still a margarita.
Apparently last night I sat at the bar with an upside down sharpie lightning bolt on my forehead, yelling "It's Harry Potter's birthday! Let me be on the qudditch team!" And I kept calling the bartender Dobby. There are videos.
i woke up with someone drivers licenses in my wallet this am...he said i don't have a business card so just take my drivers license
best googles of the semester: toe fucking, purpose of two nostrils, human tail. with pictures
Long labias. Talking about. Too drunk to explain. Tomorrow.
guy just got out of the car at the drive in and told his girlfriend "fuck you and your taco" and walked off
I had to jump out of her car while it was moving enough said
Tommarow we shall sacrifice the freshmen to the sun god
What if there is no right person? Maybe it's just the right cat. Or the right 12 cats.
I just smoked by myself in my childhood bedroom, how happy does it seem I am to be home for Christmas?
There is nothing worse than the batteries of your vibrator dying on valentines day
Blacked-in to me, shirtless, giving myself finger guns in the mirror and rapping "stacks in the club stacks stacks in the club."
It's 6am and I had to explain to the gas station attendant why I didn't have shoes on and I'm covered in maple syrup.
I want you to defile me in my childhood bed.
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