Shiiiit I think I'm getting sick. probably had something to do with the fact that i shared my mouth with everyone last night.
Wait. That came out far sluttier than I intended.
I'm going to get a baby outfit made and send it to her that says: "My husband fucked his subordinate and all I got was another baby".
i just witnessed two asians having sex for the first time ten feet away from me..hes having a seizure..what the duck is going on???
dude, i think we just came across a situation where tits weren't worth it.
I got a handjob to the OC theme song. It was like going back in time 7 years.
The arresting officer told me "you probably get this a lot, but you look like anthony kiedis".
I really hope jumping jacks prevent pregancy because I'm kind of banking on it right now, do you know why there's a unicycle in the corner of my room?
Waking up with a sore back because you put the team on it for jager pong all night
It makes me really sad that some people start their saturdays running or biking instead of with 3 shots of tequila, a sausage biscuit, freaks & geeks and 2 orgasms.
I feel as if we moved beyond the hook up stage when she blew me as I drunkenly finished my chicken nuggets.
Hootey the Owl eats a mean pussy.
Um, OK. WTF?
The guy from the Halloween party. We finally hooked up. Went down in me for 45 mins. Came 4 times.
Ps I just used the "If you give a mouse a cookie" defense in a real life situation. Suck it
THERE IS A MAN IN THE BATHROOM IN COLONIAL GARB GET HERE
she said she doesn't remember seeing me at all last night. ...I was with her for six hours, there's no way she could have been blackout the whole time
Just slather his penis with BBQ sauce
Randomize
