I found your undies. They were wrapped around my leg.
I need a shot of tequila, and quick death
last night was a success...if success means i don't remember the guy's name and my panties are somewhere in the parking lot behind the bar
so the car was packed with everything from my dorm, plus my mom. during the 6 hour trip home she found my kama sutra. started flippin through it.....
oh shit that had to have been awkward
i thought so too. until she asked what the check marks were for
apparently smacking a customer in the face with his iPhone was not part of the WOW factor we learned in training...
Nothing says true friendship like 2 people bonding over potentially having AIDS.
Just filled up my pledge keg goblet with coffee at bp. They can judge all they want. At least I'm not killing baby dolphins.
you were passed out in your cheese fries by the time he brought out your second order of french toast.
there's a guy looking for his pants in my room, is he yours?
I'm trying to make a sex playlist
record yourself crying and put it on a loop.
nothing like a call from your drunk grandpa at midnight on a wednesday to ask your parents if you're registered to vote...
he showed me his third nipple on the first date. I might have low to no standards, but my god.
It's only funny because he thinks you had sex with him to rob him.
I had a dream that we had an entire sofa made out of cocaine.
Its just akward. Everytime he tells me he loves me, I have to respond with, I love having sex with you. and he just stares at me in amazement
Randomize
