we black-lighted her bedspread and it looked like a jackson pollock painting.
I'm a fake celebrity on twitter. I need a life.
From the prices on this menu it looks like I have no choice. I have to blow him.
It'll be like the burning bush except without moses and with pubes.
Hooked up with an Aussie chick last night only an Indonesian chick away from completing my lap around the pacific rim
Her vagina smelt so bad I lied and told her that I was married just so that she would leave.
We need to reprogram your vagina to say "no"
A guy dressed like Jesus just gave me a mini keg. Prayers really do come true.
um so slept at robs. he woke up, looked at me, and said ' oh my psychiatrists are gonna have a field day with this one' I think that's when you know you can't hang out with someone anymore
Like do you hear me I PUKED IN MY OWN HANDS AND HE STILL SAID I WAS GORGEOUS
He was an asshole the entire night and then tried to touch my dick in a Michaels craft store.
Sooooo, no second date?
Enough talk of my burning loins. How is your day?
I'm drinking vodka out of a water bottle at work. Am I really the best person to come to for life advice?
But if you move out who will get drunk with me on the roof and yell at boys?!?
I look excited, but its just a facade.
Randomize
