Obv we're gonna bbm each other in bed
Just had to open a tuna can with a spoon. Gave me a sense of hunting for my own food.
you'll never believe how fucking awesome rain man is when you're stoned.
Just showed mom and dad the pics from San Francisco, while i played the Full House theme song in the background.
he was fingering the outside of my pants..i knew that was my cue to leave
As soon as the judge read that I rear ended the car from getting roadhead he chuckled. You know he's been there before.
So recap time do u remember biting that girls hand?
I think I've reached that age where I should start dating "congrats" and not "are you keeping it?"
Go big or go home. i snuck in two beers in my bra. im here to win.
You told the cop FUCK YOU AND YOUR TASER, i dont think he appricaited that
Can you explain to me why there are fake boobs glued on my chest?
Maybe I'm nitpicking, but that looked more like how one would jerk off an elephant than it did playing air guitar.
I just instagramed a picture of an ostrich in case you were wondering what I did with my night
I woke up in a front yard I didn't recognize to a grandma tapping me with her foot. What was in that punch?
its not much but to go through all that to ask for half a balls worth of money was so stressful
Randomize
