I wanna put my baby in that!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Ew you even made it your fb status
Ppl probably think ur having a kid
I hope
Love having children with random chicks
I'm sitting at the bar eating dinner next to a nerd, a guy in a 10 gallon hat, and a policeman. I feel like I joined The Village People
i've been called drunk 4 times today and it's only 3pm
I think I'd rather ejaculate tabasco. You'd have to scrape out guacamole.
He gave a passionate hug to every tree on the way to my car.
We found you on the floor drooling you kept saying over and over how you were double jointed.
sooo....i just remembered that someone fed me a pretzel out of their purse at the bar last night.
The carpet cleaning people refuse to steam clean human feces. I'll call back later and blame it on the dog not you
Dude she flew me 1000 miles down to see her, broke up with me 7 hrs after arrival, and kicked me out with a week left til I fly home. Thank god college taught me how to shack up
yeah I'm sure your grandparents are the best but it's halloween. get a slutty costume and let's go ham.
Okay: Whipped cream, vodka, and a trampoline. This will either be really great, or really tragic.
I have 39 hot sauces from Chipotle
It's like earning obesity badges
I give up. I can't handle that class sober any longer. I have an army of whiskey shooters for the next three weeks. Wish me luck.
This couch is so comfortable I can tell if it's like a waterbed or I pissed myself
Guess who just hooked up with a guy who was wearing a shirt from his mom's "dress up closet"?!
Randomize
