so I was thinking like, Rob Pattinson could make so much money whoring himself out dressed as Edward Cullen.
yeah, I mean if he's down to fuck a lot of fat chicks and stare at Tiger Beat posters of himself above the bed...
It was like the Ritz Carlton of jails. I got introduced to our criminal system the right way.
Her bacne/racne was so bad it was like having sex with bubble wrap.
i study at coffee shops because all these damn artsy people motivate me to work towards a real job.
two words: fractured penis. two more: emergency room.
how does a 20 year old who hasnt gone through puberty yet score the game winning goal? fuck sidney crosby and his small nuts.
He showed up to the Seder drunk and tried to convince everyone that he could read Hebrew.
My vagina just recognized that song.
Threw a lawn chair at the neighboors dog. I think I killed him. Come here and assess this
Either way you look at it, I'm a slut. But either way I look at it, I'm having a fucking blast.
I wasn't going to take him home until I heard "hung like a water buffalo" then curiosity got the best of me.
HOW DO YOU GET TO BE A GROWN-UP AND NOT KNOW WHAT A DECADE IS!?
Nope. Too much basics going on right now. I'm tying you both up and throwing you to the vibrating sexy toy sharks. You shall either sink or get off gloriously.
We were walking to the bar with a group of people and literally made 4 stops in people's lawns garages or random walls for him to eat me out
God dammit everything I said last night about jungle juice being awesome just does not carry over into the next day
Randomize