Also my back is semi rug burned and I'm holding you fully responsible.
I would love to give you more rug burn
Found my sandals in your freezer this morning, THANKS
she moved to the other side of town, do you realize how far i gotta walk to get a blow job???
She only remembers me when she's drunk. It's like I'm a suppressed memory that only surfaces with alcohol.
I don't think he knows what shame means anymore. He gave some bar slut his sisters Tiffanys necklace, in exchange for anal.
Currently doing my walk of shame down a floating dock. No more guys who live on a boat EVER AGAIN
The black hole just entered the party man, I can literally see guys starting to move towards her.
I'm just sad for you. It sucks that the 17 douchebag asshole guys you're fucking can't morph into one nice, normal, non-alcoholic guy that has a drivers license and no criminal history.
He's trying to marry me, when is the appropriate time to tell him my real name and that Dallas is a completely fictitious slutty alter ego? I need the advice of someone with morals.
If this were a real emergency kilted men wielding claymores and riding giant badgers would hve rescued said Guinness. So clearly this is just a hypothetical
That's the only way to get approved without a guarantor.
WHAT DOES THAT MEAN WHAT FUCKING LANGUAGE ARE YOU SPEAKING
My mom just called hysterical. She and her sister found my dead grandma's vibrator.
The apple don't fall far from that tree.
You can't Tinder AND have him bring you icecream in the same night. It messes with your vagina.
I just watched videos of people getting puppies and crying, I cried too. Definitely still drunk
This morning we had sex while he was wearing a full length fur jacket and sunglasses... I wasn't even phased
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