no, no I am DEF NOT pregnant. typo. sorry, wanted to talk about us...
Define "chronic" masturbator.
Somedays I wish I were a bird. Then people wouldn't be so grossed out when I vomit
Professor used "ROFL" while grading my paper... Do I even go to a real college?
Im sure that doesnt mean its ruined... It was your bithday you get a free "im drunk at 7 am" card
Like my mouth was on his pelvis connected to his balls that's how far it was
On a scale of zero to "unmitigated disaster," how drunk is he?
He kept telling me Te Amo last night. Over and over. And that he was scared. Drunkenly. In Spanish.
I climbed through his window to find him already with another booty call. This wouldn't have happened if I could upgrade from my 7th grade scooter to a real car.
…If I were you I wouldn't use that as part of your argument to your dad for a car
So besides your brother walking in on you shaving and singing "I'm gonna get asssss" how was your night
Wow. Memory lane. What a horrendously unsightly jizz stain on the tapestry of life.
I just traded sex to frolic with a box of husky puppies. Is this rock bottom?
i have pictures frm only 4 hours ago that will fucking ruin you so i suggest yuo come get me.
Where are you?
dunno. ask mike. bring pain killers. and underwear. and my dignity.
you walked into the party, and all you had on was your left sock... literally.
She was blacked out at her own party. It felt good to stand next to her while she laid on the floor and say "vomit does not look good on you."
Randomize
