maybe touching the ground while going 70 wasn't such a great idea after all..
Just found a glow stick inside of my vagina..
With the amount of traffic your vagina gets, it was only a matter of time before someone threw a rave there.
It's refreshing to see you in something that is stained with something other than vomit and spilled alcohol.
i woke up to find out i googled the Twilight Eclipse trailer. so either drunk me doesn't know that i'm straight, or sober me doesn't know that i'm gay
They're calling for 20 inches of snow but I'll have a dirtbike for emergency trips to the liquor store. Even if I crash it won't hurt.
he kept yelling THIS ISNT AMATEUR HOUR
Its like every time I go out with you, it always involves Serbian chicks and taco bell and you always manage to get both all over my bed.
After last night, I've decided I will now bang only men who professionally ride things for a living. I will accept jockeys, cowboys, bullriders, and pro bicyclists who lie and say they're bullriders.
Like lay upon bear skin rugs, drink brandy and reminisce of the yesteryear's before a majestic fire place? Because those are my plans.
So it sounded like a midget was barfing IN our walls again this morning ...
I woke up surrounded by goldfish. Thank God my laptop was here too. Now I don't have to leave my bed all day.
I went home with a guy last night because he showed me some magic tricks and kept shouting "THEY'RE ILLUSIONS MICHAEL!"
I'm getting a collar when he gets back in to town! That's like the bdsm equivalent of getting his class ring!
You were wearing a sequin mini, with Tevas. And you still got laid.
you told us the chicken was mocking you, then proceeded to explain that every time someone reads your mind you accidentally think of something sexual
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