wtf. i just found you're porn stash.
u like it?
NOT THE POINT.
Living right is spending a lot of time in someone's ass
she takes plan B like it's going out of style
the cashier at riteaid just made the sign of the cross before he rang up my pregnancy test. now i know god is on my side
he called me back to his office so he could lick a line of pixie stick off of my thigh
be sure to add "office slut" to your resume
maybe i'll make good life choices and keep my legs closed. periodically txt me friday and saturday night saying "baby carrot round 2" that should stop me.
Let's just say that watching the sunrise in a space helmet is really the only way to do it.
I JUST SAW A SIGN LANGUAGE CATFIGHT
Judging by the fact that he asked me if i wanted to serenade him using cocaine and Taylor Swift I'd say I so have it in the bag.
he sent me a pic of his dick and balls out with sunglasses over them like a face. i was at dinner.
do you still have it? i kinda want to see.
He sent me a 7 minute voicemail of him playing wonderwall on the acoustic guitar I'm not even kidding did he seriously think that would work
I blacked out at work again... Except this time my boss watched me throw up by the bus stop and some woman let me sleep on her shoulder for an hour. Why does this keep happening?
I mean seriously...It's like the universe is saying "your vagina is closed, move along"
why the hell did we go to a rave last night?
we didn't?
definitely went to a bar with strobe lights
JENNIFER. You passed out in a toilet with a color changing light in it.
You kept pointing at me and saying I'm getting chicken parmesan and no one is going to stop me
Randomize
