If you are in NYC and not seeing anyone, you should come fucke me now because:1 i am not in love with you anymore, 2 i am drunk enough where i won't feel the n eed to kisx you awardly to avoid your beard, 3we have unfinished business that i wpn't get -assed unyil orgass have been had, 4 i really really want to
The guy in front of me in lecture is using a fifth of smirnoff as a water bottle.
Nevermind, it's not water.
he just wrote my ten page research paper for tit pics. i love my boobs.
I need a horse. I don't think you can get a DUI on a living creature.
He waited til after we had sex to tell me he had herpes... Ugh I hate being drunk
it's kind of slutty but what the hell, so are we
Oh FYI, people asked how/why I met you and I didn't want to say "drunk at a party on an air mattress" so I made a story up. It was a very cute and charming story with no alcohol.
Well, somebody (me) put on reindeer antlers, crawled around on the floor, and meowed at people... So yeah, I'd say it was "one of those nights"
Successfully put eye drops in while driving with my glasses on. Stoner level: expert
yeah she's crazy. she fought a possum in my alley because it was "being a cagey little cunt"
Why was I lying under a truck last night?
She paid me 300 bucks to spank her and call her Baby Jane. Then we drank half a bottle of sippin whiskey. I'd call it a twelve out of ten.
Found my bra in the fridge. See you in 10 mins. It's gonna be a good fuckin day!
Unless it involves a lot of whiskey, an ACDC concert, and a guy named Juan from the Philippines, then I'm not interested.
I would like to reiterate that I went to give lessons and ended up having a three way instead
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