At least we don't have one night stands
True that. We sink our claws in our men.
Rubbed one out while on hold to buy tickets to Disneyland. Feel simultaneously like a freak and strangely productive.
Well now that I've given all the athletes mono there goes our chance of winning any conference championship
i am going to show so many millionaires my nipple
Just had a tv talk show interview in my mirror. Got into to some pretty heavy shit man, would have made good viewing.
How did you even find out?
Because you came up to me and said "I just fucked in the bathroom."
Oh.
Want to get high and go thrifting? I'm trying to succeed making my dorm look like a deranged Applebees.
He purred while eating me out. HE PURRED AND I LIKED IT.
Just burnt my nuts with a cigarette. Don't ask. I hate life.
We walked in and someone handed her an unopened bottle of jack with her name on it. She's like a drunken celebrity.
I sat on my couch last night watching What Women Want, eating ice cream, and sobbing "why doesn't she like me?" Why was I born a man?
Well, I'm hung over and my penis hurts - two signs of success
ITS THE CIIIIIIRCLE OF SLUUUUUUUTS
Only if I get to be Gritty
How would you be Gritty for a fantasy hockey league?
Don't worry about it.
Fuck this virus. We’re finally back on campus but the bars suck parties are banned sports are canceled we eat in our rooms and can’t fucking hangout with anyone. I’m tired of virtual classes and involuntary celibacy
OMG IKR! It’s not college unless we’re puking in a toilet wondering if we’re pregnant or just hungover!
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