i'll give you all the meat in my fridge in exchange for 2 condoms.
We played strip Bananagrams and I won. Thank fuck I read a lot as a child.
Its only.eleven and we are already chasing a man on a bike with a bag full of burger king
Confession: Sometimes I wear my stolen scrubs to the corner store because people will think I'm a doctor and not just a girl too lazy to change out of her pajamas.
This wedding is gonna be a disaster. I already had to turn down one of the groomsmen who offered me $100 to sleep with him next wknd.
Too low?
Yes.
Is it bad that all my wine bottles have teeth marks in the cork?
My car smells like beer, you're here in spirit
AT THIS RATE YOU WILL HAVE FUCKED MORE OF MY CLOSE FRIENDS THAN I HAVE PEOPLE PERIOD BY VALENTINE'S DAY.
I hope Team Snapchat has been enjoying our sex snaps all this week.
there may have been a blood oath never to speak of it again...only reason i can think of as to why there was a 1 inch bloody cut on my right boob
He caught a Pokemon on my head while I sucked him off. I think I need to marry him.
I just watched an old episode of Daria while eating brownies to cure day drunkness. Clearly I'm winning at adulting today.
Ate 5 hotdogs today. You need to get me back on my tequila diet cause this shit has to stop!
With each thrust he'd whisper "like a ninja." Should I be flattered or appalled?
He had a tattoo of the Batman logo around his asshole. I noped right the hell out of there.
Randomize