I was just like staring at the lawn boy while singing "You Belong With Me".
I am the king of creep.
I can totally hide my daquiri in my sling.
I just showed my tits to my brother on chatroulette. Could my life get any worse?
so when we were booking the hotel and plane tickets for vegas we reserved a chapel for someone, it's inevitable.
All I remember is this kid kept saying that he has a dream that white kids and black kids can take shots together as one, and just we'd keep drinking to that.
He fucked me so hard I might have to go to the hospital for internal bleeding
Can I have him when you're done?
I swear I can feel something in my uterus. Like, I can feel his sperm searching for an egg. Wtf...
I just had the weirdest moment. Made eye contact at the bar with a girl who has seen my vagina.
Can we discuss your tits for a sec? That melon patch sprung up over night
Today I learned I and my bar naps were the subject of a bar meeting.
Hey I’m obsessed with Charlie Heaton from stranger things...not because he got caught at the border with coke...okay that’s a lot of it
My uterus just tried to get me to buy a tub of cookie dough
Coffee and girl scout cookies. Breakfast of champions.
Get fucked.
I should have robbed the cradle years ago. Turns out 21 year old boys can cum and still fuck me silly a minute later. My vagina feels like it just won a car from Oprah!
Are we allowed to ho on the roof?
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