$35 all you can drink last night. Friend 1 woke up in a hotel lounge, friend 2 pissed himself and woke up wearing friend 1's spare pants, and my toilet indicates I threw up extensively.
You have no idea how much I'm praying for my moms side of the family's infertility right now
Turned out the thing on the lampshade was a bloodstain, not a bedbug. We feel much safer now.
This isnt meant to be as creepy as it sounds, but do you seriously want a lock of the hair I cut off?
I vagually remember taking your birthcontrol and washing it down with ash water
This tent reeks of fear and sangria
I cried at the bouncer while saying I wished he was my father... They had no idea what to do with me.
Turns out the average person our age has never run from the cops. Life: we're doing it right.
I'm wearing a cape at the laundromat. I really can't say shit
Lack of response to this text gains you a half hour of freedom before I initiate operations to conclude you are not, in fact, comatose. You requested no mercy.
I should not be allowed to be in possession of a fifth and a phone at the same time.
He started praying immediately after we hooked up, condom on and everything.
he told me he had a gf and in the very next sentence asked if I wanted to have sex.
does anyone know where bryan is?
last i saw he was naked, and crying in the bathroom because there was no more booze.
I just puked into a clean basket of laundry.
Randomize
