True love is taking a shit with the one you love in the bathroom with you.
Pick my eyebrow is burning. I'm sitting in the back of dolows vat and listening to jolly music and wilfgang is signing and looking food. Cute kid. Home is where I go now.
what. the. fuck.
Mission leave-the-puke-on-the-floor-til-the-dog-eats-it completed. I work smarter not harder
If my nicknames are based on what I throw up, you can call me Jimmy Johns
well after we realized that his best friend and my twin sister were hooking up it was kind of an unsopken agreement that we would too
the worst part is we had a camera rolling
Did his mom notice it when she saw u guys?
Yes.
I have to watch that.
Stop making all the ice cubes only big enough to fit in your bong. It takes like 3 trays for a glass of ice water
I just went to pick up my pigeon from your house. You should be getting a picture soon
You talked the cab driver into taking a shot from your flask at a red light because "Ray Charles would want him to"
You realize that if you get murdered while we're talking, I'm gonna have to explain to your next of kin why the last thing on your phone is a picture of my boobs.
The zoom feature on snap chat videos is the worst thing to ever happen to sexting
They left around 10:00 this morning. I've been naked since 10:01.
oh you can't commit, don't have any real ambitions, and love to drink PBR? well.... sign me up!
Totes just ripped ass and the bartender's eyes got wet
The viagra-rita was a sexual success and a furniture failure. He said it was the best cowgirl sex he’s ever had even with the broken couch
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