I cant. I'm trying to smell my vagina.
I woke up next to her this morning and couldn't remember her name. Luckily, she had written it on my hand so that I could add her on facebook.
Now that the olympics are over we have no excuse for getting belligerently drunk for nationalism every night.
I'm not sure where but someone shit somewhere in the house
If I'm going to go gay, i'm not going to go for a tiny dick.
the amount of times i have wished for a boxed wine emoticon is almost alarming. almosttt
i need to find a notary that isn't going to turn me in for blatantly lying to the us and chilean governments
Let's play a little game of "Last Night Never Happened"
Ohhh,that's true. Babies are only fun when you're high. Otherwise, they're the worst kind of people.
That's not a current picture, because if you look deep enough into my eyes you can still see morals. Not these days.
Thou shall not get drunk and hit bitch cup in pong and take shirt off while wearing a see-through lace bra again
I woke up this morning next to my computer with Google search results for "how to put out a fire."
I'm very scared to turn around.
Is it customary to send a 'thank you card'to someone who gave you awesome oral as a gift at your housewarming party?
I wish the guy in the stall next to me would stop moaning while taking a dump.
I wish you'd stop texting me from the toilet.
I'm drinking because I just started here and every single person I work with wants to quit and when I asked a coworker how she's doing she literally just started crying.
Randomize
