Going to spend my cab money on more shots and just take the ambulance home
Idk if this white stuff in my shower is conditioner or... something else?
Sex on a trampoline was so worth getting a mosquito bite on my penis
I didn't think I could chip a tooth while giving a blowjob until I met him.
Just tried on my bathing suit for the first time this year. Had to drink a beer to numb the pain.
Just threw up in the garbage can outside the liquor store... I'm pretty sure that's some sort of distress signal.
Explain to me how "cheap asian titties" is a complement?
His morals are debatable, but his heart or perhaps his penis is in the right place.
His penis is crooked. Right place? Maybe he starts there, but then he slants.
I feel like his penis would have a weird haircut because he does.
Just saw a hooker eating a pastrami sandwich walking down beach blvd blowing kisses to traffic. My day = made
I'm pretty sure my liver died in Reno and my intestines are doing hula hoops around my asshole. The bachelor party was that good.
the last thing i remember was the norwegian kid tacking a bag of wine to the ceiling, then boom! shower drain.
I'm still pretty stoned. There are mini rice cakes in my robe pocket to snack on in the shower.
The modern romantic, surprising his gf w/ a gram of blow
He only has one ball. it was like fucking a cyclops.
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