Dude, I just saw a bird vs. squirrel fight. A car won.
We decided to smoke and then made crosses on our foreheads for ash wednesday
mom would be proud
I am trying to think of a way to make alcohol cupcakes
Who was that couple sleeping in your bed with us last night?
Somewhere between catching the stove on fire and not being aware of it being on fire while I'm in the living room. I drank too much.
playing nyquil roulette. it entails taking shots of nyquil and hoping it doesnt kick in during sex or in public. game on.
Would you wanna look up as you cum and for a split-second see your dad?
He started using my brother's rc helicopter as a beer delivery device. He's a drunk McGyver.
My period started right as he was entering, which really helped me sell the "I've never done this before" bit.
Well Apparently I went to piss out my window last night, woulda been ok if I opened the window or the blinds.
You chugged 6 beers in a row and then outed your boss at a party last night.
How much weed should I buy my mom for her birthday?
you said you heard a baby, so i told you to go feed it. you came back 2 hours later with a pizza and when i asked you where the baby went you pointed to the pizza and puked.
just took a pregnancy test before I went out drinking. if that's not drinking responsibly Idk what is.
She calls him the walking dildo to his face. That relationship is already fucked up.
Randomize
