did you get engaged???
ever had your bank call you to verify the 4 seperate bar transactions from the night before? I have
I just took went to the bathroom and it smelt like blue curococo... I didn't flush yet so head on up if you wanna know what a good night smells like.
My natural self cock block skills kicked in last night. I could've got on like 2 chicks but i ended up throwing up all over my van instead.
I have an asthmatic alcoholic for a roommate. That can't be safe.
Now go wash the fat girl off your hands.
Either I'm drunk or judge Judy has 3D commercials...so I think I'm drunk. Also I may or may not haven eaten a hoagie on the toilet when I didn't want to stand up
Haha jealous. If I could remember my dreams I'm pretty sure they would constantly be about being drunk in foreign countries
All you need to know is that isn't jizz
Girl, that was the lost night of 2012 for me and I have buried that night deep deep away..
It turns out my English teacher used to pose for Playboy. She's an inspiration.
I mean, I already put pants on today. We're already halfway there
How dare you not respond to me after opening up a picture of my bare breasts
The girls said some drunk guy in footie pajamas was asking for me when they opened the doors. I thought we agreed you were gonna stay home and microwave me some bacon.
I'm in the liquor store and fucking "Wannabe" by the Spice Girls is playing. IM ALREADY ASHAMED OF MY REASON FOR BEING HERE, GIVE ME A BREAK.
Randomize
