Tim hortons said i dont meet their criteria. What the fuck criteria is that? You put bagels in an oven.
that would combine my 3 fave things. christmas funfetti and paul simon
guess where i woke up this morning? If you guessed the hospital, you sir are correct.
Ohhh, TODAY your worried. Becasue last weekend when we warned you about her you said "shes too hot to have herpes."
Correct me if I'm wrong, but I did not stop moving last night. If tequila gives me that extra push to have an active lifestyle, so be it.
I just negotiated a blow job for an interview.
At what point in your drunken state would you actually believe that the cops wanted to party with you?
Houston, we have a squirter
He seems to have a lot of things figured out and most of the answers involve bourbon
Our foot and a bit height difference is kinda fun, except she's so tiny that after we ate burritos it looked like she was pregnant. I had a confusing bonner.
He just walked from his house to mine. Walked in and asked for a hug and then left.. And he's sober.
And then my night got REAL pukey
I can't believe i just offerred a guy a burrito and head, and got turned down. Officially celibate now.
of fours songebofy did dknt stop believing
how legible are my texts
I can't trust your balls anymore.
Randomize
