Ummmm the art teacher neighbor asked me to pose nude for her art class for cash.
Considering that my ex-wife dumped me to become a lesbian, the Universe owes me a threesome.
Pot didnt help. Now Im even sadder but now im afraid of the clouds and the crickets.
we dont know what were doing after yet. first up we have 90 beers and a party kit and fun hats.
i don't know where i am. i made bad decisions. i think this guy is dead.
Dude, the chicks a procotolgy intern. Don't cheat on her. She knows where it hurts the most.
She's laying here with her head in my lap stoned, eating Doritos, whining about her boyfriend, and listening to Cher. Fuck the friend zone.
We team puked and then made sex like wild monkeys. If that isn't love, I don't know what is.
Let's drink?
Just because it's bacon vodka doesn't mean it's for breakfast.
Is it socially acceptable to stop at the strip club for the lunch buffet on my way to the airport?
I just told him I want him to "take the reins". At least its festive sexting?
I hope you get eaten by satanic starfish.
I'll have to start mass sending dong pics to get the recognition I deserve
Note to self: dont wear a butt plug for several hours and then go gym and try and do squats
You ripped his router out of the wall and screamed "I have defeated the matrix"
Randomize
