oh wait, my morality sensor is a little fucked up since I almost let my little sister's friend blow me.
i'm high and 74% sure there's a monster in my closet
thanks for stopping by when you did. making a meatball quesadilla while high was a bad choice
So add panera bread to the places i love to eat that i am potentially banned from.
you got me arrested i just think that goes without question you owe me a blowjob
I told them the reason I passed out was because of "heat exhaustion." Not from showing up drunk. Good thing this is Arizona.
He asked me "did you used to go to church" while we were having sex.
I had to feed him the pizza because he was too blazed to do it himself
I told him he was probably the first guy to get fucked while wearing Star Wars pyjamas.
Look, opening a Guinness with a steak knife and nearly cutting your finger off to make another carbomb is always a good idea.
I want to preface this by saying nothing happened, nothing is on fire. It is mere speculation. Do we have a fire extinguisher?
I knew things were bad when my gyno recommended meditation.
Do you remember whose house we're in?
Get here now. There’s a guy dressed as Captain Morgan handing out miniature bottles of Captain Morgan.
I woke up with clothes on this morning and I'm pretty sure you had something to do with that. Thank you.
Randomize
