I think most guys look at porn as a fallback career. I mean I know I do.
Hey, remember that girl at rocklobster you thought was hot but were to pussy to talk to? You were right, her boobs are fake and she gives the best head on the planet. Can you come pick me up?
You're dead to me.
dont worry, it'll just be a conversation starter like "why did you get that pierced?" or "wow, i got arrested there too"
Do you remember calling yourself Captain Cockblock and openly giving out everyones sexual history? Because you did.
Stumbled into class and into a desk. When I fell my bottle broke in my backpack. I had to leave there was vodka everywhere.
The cops are here to take me to jail, so I guess I have to go with them. If I'm not out by 6 p.m., there is some left-over lasagna in the fridge for you.
You then proceeded to tell me how good of a cook you were and put raw cookie dough in the champagne.
I will not remember tonight for the most part. This text will be evidence. You can and probably will use this against me.
how many dildos make it a "collection?"
Probably twitter. Never underestimate a psycho girl with wifi
It's like the blind leading the senile over here.
UPDATE: shit just got real- grandma is threatening to beat grandpa with a wooden spoon covered in chili.
If making out with three guys at once at a Kesha concert while simultaneously smearing glitter all over yourself doesn't convince her you're gay, nothing will
going on a mission to find my pants and the guy who stole my beer don't wait up
You just accidentally called me. You kept saying "Really?! Really?!!" So I can only assume you are having sub par sex
So uh. Your future in porn. Would you be willing to wear an alien costume for it?
Randomize
