Thought you might like this. Had a dance off with an andy bernard look alike and pissed my bed. All in one night.
So drunk can't even tell it's my own house. WOaoOw.
you wouldn't come out from under your bed because you said there were six-armed bears everywhere.
ohhh that explains the pepperonis I found in my sock drawer this morning...
no it doesn't.
also, did you notice that when he quoted your email he used MLA format?
I totally cried the whole time and then screamed out my new therapists name....
Im covered in vodka and melted gummys. Fuck summer.
why is there a fishing net hanging from my ceiling fan?
Jacob lost his virginity in a threesome. I am deffs fucking this kid.
DURING A THUNDERSTORM ON HIS BIRTHDAY.
I was having the most awesome dream about onion rings and you hit me and told me to stop touching you...WTF?
And then you told me I had large hands and looked like a girl who would have an illegitimate child that I never talked about
Babe.. You are farting in your sleep and it literally smells like something crawled up your asshole and died.. I'm gagging and I feel like I'm eating your fart right now. I want to tape your ass cheeks shut and plug up that canon you call your ass. All I hear is snores and farts.. You are lucky I love you
I would agree. Whose business is it if I like to guzzle vodka by the liter on my of time? Answer: mine.
Yeah, first date. First take a pic of him to circulate around for your friends and than have him fill out a short penis questionnaire. Seems completely legit to me.
Sorry for yelling at you, I'm just really emotional about missing comicon.
how do you tell someone, in the most complimentary way possible, that they would make an excellent stripper?
Randomize
