barbara walters just said penis...
and while your girlfriend wears your relationship pants, i'll be wearing my ecstasy pants
just used a blowie as payment for him having to take the dog out to let her poop.
.....then i was kicked out of my work christmas party......
some guy had a sword and everyones crying..it turned bad..fast.
the creek. my friends left me at a party next thing i know im in a breaststroke relay race with a bunch of randos in the dark
I'm also 3/4 on the frats. Its like my goal of traveling to all 7 continents, but different somehow and a lot less morally sound.
I had to explain to my dentist that my tooth was chipped because we designated my mouth as the official way to open beer. I feel like our level of partying is no longer socially acceptable.
I wanna go back to school and change my major to psych just to make a case study out of her
I hooked up with a blind guy last night... he's clapping in order to find his way around our apartment
I knew he was a classy dude because when I told him my name was Jen he said "Gin? Like Gin & Juice?"
I told the emergency room nurse I didn't want to stop and ruin the moment. She said safewords are there for a reason. Super condescending. Got her number though.
Turns out it's a fake number.
So? Find me, fuck me, then you can go to sleep and I'll leave.
Wow. That's the most amazing thing anyone has ever said to me.
Did you hear about the guy wearing a spiderman mask running around naked with a bottle of patron?
Yeah.
I was spiderman.
We turned his nipples into a drinking game.
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