Did the walk of shame past her kids. I'm younger than one of them.
i really wish my pants would only unzip when im sober
possible father of this baby just finished his test first in a lecture of 200 people. other possible father finished about 100th.
I'm rooting for #1.
I just had a formal request to dress as a boyscout for my meeting with Legal on Friday. From Legal. Time to go home.
Cause I came home. Im covered in green marker and jack daniels. Theres a taco and the words "we went to Mexico" on my wrist. Im a walking abomination.
how sketchy is it to eat a candy wrapped in masking tape from reggae night? because we totally just split it...
Mid stroke she told me she'd had bigger. Replied I could tell. Sex ended right at that moment.
Best case scenario I do a bunch of dirty things to you, blow your mind and you enjoy it. Worst case I stare at you, poke at you, smile and droll on myself, you laugh.
You grabbed your house keys, threw them at the door and asked, "did it open?"
I just thought you should know.... I am fully committed to being a ho this summer
Tell me again why we had to Facebook stalk your therapist?
I just put condoms in a mason jar because it looked prettier than the box.I think I've peaked.
i have paint on my face i'm missing my earrings, there's a bag of rice in my room, and i have a purse full of monopoly pieces
dude it was our first time and her hair caught on fire from the candles on the nightstand
There is no way that actually happened!
the smell of burnt hair covered up the sweaty sex smell.
It was pretty awesome. I drank out of a stein and attempted to dance to dubstep with some older guys in leiderhosen.
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