Zach says you can't see his penis until after we're married...not sure why?! Bt then he said he thinks maybe you already have on the wild animal night!
yah i'm on my way- is everything ok?
i'm holding a walmart bag of my own hot vomit that i closed up with some random chicks hair tie. we r pretty fucking far from ok
Yeah he had his two razors labeled "face" and "pubes". Should I be disgusted or impressed?
Because the last time i saw or spoke to him he came all over me in a hammock.
I mean, I'm not looking for prince charming. I'm looking for the glass slipper of dicks.
If you were wondering whether I accidentally FaceTime called the undergrad who works for me in lab during a particularly graphic blow job last night, then the answer is yes.
Apparently he's taking the slut he cheated on me with on a cruise for her birthday. THAT COULD HAVE BEEN ME. TITANTIC STYLE.
Pretty sure the nurse said at one point I was in full restraints because I tried surfing my stretcher
I'm dipping store brand pepperoni pizza in bacon flavored ranch dressing. Obesity tastes so good.
It was bitter sweet because I woke him up with sex but then I peed in his bed with him in it
So... In conclusion, do I bring my vibrator and risk not only having it getting taken out at security, but also exposing my dad to my neon green vibrator, or just leave it here?
I'll never lecture you, go get that dick baby girl make momma proud,I didn't raise no quitter
Have you ever looked at someone and thought…oh honey, you're too pretty for an ankle monitor
Fuck this. I'm adopting 12 cats and naming them after the 12 disciples. Maybe Jesus will have sympathy for me then.
I threw up all of my purple drank and thats really important
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