Fact: Godrick looks like David Archuleta
All I did today at work was try to remember in vivid detail what your cock looks like.
just drew up plans to mow my front lawn into the American flag for world cup. that high and patriotic.
I think i can hear god laughing at me and yelling "thou shall pay for thy habits of underage drinking" through a megaphone directly at my eardrums
Heaven was on the 3rd floor and Hell was on the first. When the cop walked up he was confused as to who the noise complaint was for and wrote both apartments a noise violation.
Right, well, that begs the question of where did you get the whip, why are you using it, and why don't you carry one around more often?
I was up all night on suicide watch. Dave was wasted and tried to strangle himself. With his own hands.
She was throwing my stuff away and then before I knew it she was sucking my dick. It was like some fucked up sour patch kids commercial
It's was about average. But he had a tat on his thigh that said "pull-out n' rollout" so I won't have to worry about a round two request.
so "excuse the stench" wasn't the correct thing to say when your boyfriend's parents walk in on you shitting. Live and learn
I have an interview tomorrow and listed you as a reference. If they call you, please don't tell them about the time I smuggled a Chalupa out of Taco Bell in my underwear.
So i know i said I'm turning over a new leaf, but i met a guy with a dick piercing. I have to sleep with him. For science.
Fuck you, dude, I'm not sharing my weed anymore if you're going for the Panthers.
He turned on read receipts specifically so i'd know he was ignoring me.
my personal favorite... An "I'm sorry you broke your finger and cant play sports for awhile" blowjob!
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