I drunk wandered into my parents bed and slept between them
i chipped my tooth tryin to cut thru her pantyhose. that stuff is bulletproof.
I literally just wrote "I'm sorry" in my blue book, got up and walked out
Found her. Shes unconscious up against the room door. Her credit card is in the keycard slot
I'm pretty sure they changed the plants at the grocery store because of us
Just had a flashback of dry humping a man lying in the street while Jim (dressed as santa) screams 'HAVE YOU BEEN A GOOD BOY?!'
I'm trying to have a "pick me up from my house so I can get completely annihilated night" any takers? Cmon people this is what friends are for
I got home and laid by the toilet and then alexa laid in the bathtub and sang the preamble while kayla held my hair
My roommate took my designated hickey removing spoon out of the freezer.
I feel like just to watch it, I need to be high. To understand it, I'd need enough drugs to kill an elephant.
Or stump rather since he's possibly large. Large penises don't have tips, just blunt ends of battering rams.
He also turned out to be underage (the fucking liar) so we had to get drunk on cooking sherry
The feeling I get when I hear beer bottles clinking must be what children feel when they hear sleigh bells on Christmas Eve
He literally just patted me on the vagina and said goodnight to it.
You just kept mumbling about the carpet being covered in stains that looked like the face of God. Until you decided that they were closer in relation to Dumbledore.
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