so the weed I found in my fridge is actually lettuce. tell jim I need that 5 bucks after all
yeah. and then it was like the room of requirement. the elevator just opened for our threesome.
remind me not buy ky at kmart ever again. Had to get a manager to open the locked case. then he stood there and watched me look through the selection
I hate that ur telling me this.
Does Vicodin go better with white or red wine?
he threw my burrito on the ground and said im too drunk. fuck that guy.
Can't decide if I want to watch full house or the fleet wood Mac concert during the presidential debate.
What shitty, shitty thing could you possibly tell me that doesnt top the fact that i got hammered and showed everyone i could shit while running
If I don't have hickies that last till tuesday, I didn't do this weekend right
Thank you for caring about my cervix.
You insisted that your middle name was "velociraptor" for 20 minutes and every time someone said something you tried to relate it to velociraptors. That kind of drunk.
I was intimate with him for twenty minutes and will be intimate with shame for twenty years.
Shia LaBeouf arrested in austin for public intoxication. JUST DO IT
let’s face it, me joining a co-ed soccer league is like, 33% motivated by my crotch seeking a healthy outlet
Well, I could just slap my dick to my phone and see what it says
He was like 120 lbs and 20 of that was penis
Randomize
