I've heard semen is good for your skin though, so that pimple on my chin should clear right up.
At least drunk you showered before switching sex partners last night.
May have caused an international incident. More details after we taxi in.
having my hair in braids makes puking so easy. i am being an indian every halloween
She was our DD the least I could do is have sex with her. Even when drunk I'm still chivalrous.
Babe. Honestly. Trust me. Your balls are not that big. And i'm eager.
Everything smells like blood and olive oil.
I'd rather take 10 virginities than catch something. Right now I should be good, I mean the sex with Jake was so bad he can't possibly have an std
Yeah its great. Whenever we want a new bowl we hand it to Trevor and he clears it in one hit. Definitely one of the benefits to having a swimmer in your circle.
I can't believe just smoked out of a pear
I can't believe you had a pear already made to smoke out of, that was impressive
You thought her boot was a stray dog in your house..
So there is a 50% chance that he just left my house and a 100% chance that I have to be up for work in 2 hours...
Drinks have officially taken priority over self-respect, and I'm not even all that torn up about it.
God, I missed his penis.
Every time I look at him 'Relax' by Frankie Goes to Hollywood plays in my head. Is that weird?
Randomize
