walking home from your place the other day I saw a man with a ponytail sitting on some church steps petting a plant
he should get drunk with us
He's like the fucking Houdini of bras. Not only did I not feel him take it off I didn't find it until two days later.
Well his aunt was in the next room so we had to be quiet. I felt like i was on an episode of silent library.
i am literally watching eva make a trashbag diaper for you to sleep in tonight. whole new level of low for you.
I had to explain the gravity bong to my mom. Right after she pointed out I have a lot of dicks on my floor at any given moment.
I still can't believe he came down from his hiding place in the tree voluntarily because he didn't want us to have to talk to the cops alone...
let me drop the bass on your empty vagina syndrome
I mean I'm into guys with money but more into guys I'm actually attracted to
yeah i guess i'd rather he was hot than rich
wow i don't know if that qualifies as growing up but if it does i'm all in
Did I run away from you last night?
Yeah it was a great moment for our friendship
There's a website where you can order a pile of horse shit to be dropped on a persons doorstep. So that's another option.
I would like to formally reclaim my title of a turn up queen.
I think he might be using me for sex. I also think I might be ok with that.
There aren't enough words in the English language to fully describe how worried I am for your dick. And the rest of you, I suppose.
*6am blends another margarita* *615am blends straight tequila*
all I remember the next morning was crawling through the doggy door and finding my underwear in my purse
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