do you know anything about the $5 bill with my name stapled to it in my purse??
I do. There's a bald headed guy whose kinda hot. I might rub his head. I've only had 2 beers
If he thought that flying across an ocean to visit me in London constituted sex, he thought wrong.
I'm laying outside on my patio attempting to get sun with a puke bucket next to me... This is dedication to the tan my friend
she gave me her number. found out it was already stored in my phone as "bathroom blowjob"
2011 senior yearbook drinking game. we're taking a shot whenever some dumbass uses that quote about how life isn't isn't about the breaths you take, but the moments that take your breath away. also that retarded wayne gretzky one about missing shots you don't take.
two questions - what stuff of mine was pawned and who has the pawn tickets.
I don't have any money, so I'm just gonna press my boobs against him for his birthday.
think of it as grooming, as if he is my Kate Middleton and I'm grooming him to be a presentable princess
Dude you filled up a protein shake mixer with White Russians so you didn't have to keep coming upstairs.
Yeah, last night in the parking lot was hot. I'm sure whoever has the surveillance tapes thinks so too.
I survive off of bourbon and the tears of others only
Nothing says "I'm sorry for shitting in your bed" like an Olive Garden gift card
So do I get points for screwing my recently single ex boyfriend and then telling him to go fight for his ex back?
got the runs at the club last night. wondering when it'll be safe to show my face again.
Randomize
